Master of None

i swear i am so not ready. not supposed to be this way

And I Said I Know It Well

i think 2011 has been a good year

some things worked out, many others didn’t. it’s been quite the chockablock of a year, but a good year nonetheless

“I toured a light
So many foreign roads
For Emma, forever ago.”

it’s now 129am in the second day of the new year, and already i have watched too much television. life is good like that, so far

2012 will be a bigger one! i would like to believe myself all ready and up for it but reality is a constant reminder that i have far too many things yet to be taken care of (ie my cracked laptop. have i mentioned my cracked laptop? it’s cracked at one hinge so now it has to stay open which means i can’t close it or bring it around this is the most shitty thing to be ushering my last semester in with i swear) but as with everything else (i sure hope) they will come to be

AND DEATH CAB WOMAGAWDZX

Happy New Year my dear Family and good Friends. thank you for taking good care of me and i’m glad for the good things that have happened to all the ones i care about and i love you all

“With all your lies,

You’re still very lovable.”

The (Most Hideous) Picture of the Day

You Me and a Dog

Blindsided

once my scissors had told me about her fantastic (and stupid) self-help book which articulated aptly that it isn’t possible people love or give altruistically; there is always an underlying motivation to love or give because there is something to gain from it, however small the return is. conscious or not, it’s somehow always about themselves. you know, something along those lines

i hate Self-Help Books. Self-Help Books are stupid and a waste of money. there is only that many times you can read a Self-Help Book over and there is only one such interpretation you can distill from it. the Self-Help Book is self-righteous, pompous and irritating. Reality however, insists that i am too stubborn and even more self-righteous to have never ever given the Self-Help Book a chance. so right away when my scissors said that i instinctively went into a vehement tirade against the mindless and defenseless self-help book – “that’s not true what your stupid book says blahblahblah”

in truth, i’ve stowed it away in a dusty little drawer at the back of my mind. sometimes to look at it with derision, sometimes… just to look at it. of course i stand by what i’ve said, not merely because i’m too proud to admit that i’m wrong (then again i’m never wrong…), but i think more so because admitting it would make life even less bearable than how it already is

isn’t it funny and sick at the same time how people – you and i – are driven to do things in a most altruistic manner but in reality it works almost always only to assuage their own culpability? it’s like naturalising and ‘instinctivising’ the Good, only deep down underneath it’s all self-motivated, all self-centered. giving always traces its roots back to the Self, what it wants and what it needs. but nobody sees it. sick, in every sense of the word, but all too true, and therefore all the more sick

it’s a lovely, lovely afternoon, and the sky looks bright and comfortable – the Beirut kind

today i feel better, but also guilty, all at once

i have also come to the conclusion that this needs to pass. self-induced/pointless (literally)/unnecessary wandering needs to stop, because it builds up a resistance i can’t seem to control, which will probably lead down a chain of events i don’t think i’m up for, and so i need to get over myself. stop firing at the shadows

in other news, fuck you Modernism (less so, though) and (most of all) Postmodernism, choices and decisions. i want to go away too

Flume

all of a sudden i miss my scissors

Catastrophe and the Cure

I Can’t Make You Love Me/Nick of Time

best way to reel in the morning

So Apropos

it’s been an odd week (well not really it’s actually an even week ha ha ha…)

anyway it’s been an odd and a bit of a difficult week, so allow me to bitch and whine

1. stupid people
2. smelly people
3. EWW says what came in through Facebook today
4. stupid essays
5. stupid presentations
6. stupid procrastinating self/mental stuckness
7. stupid

this is a mindless and pointless post, as is everything else. all i wanna do is to dissolve into the couch and be a potato all day long. i haven’t watched my tv in years

and then i will also put lotion on my feet so i have an excuse not to get off the couch and get eaten by crocodiles swimming beneath the couch

Good Winter

Bon Iver is so good listening to them just clutches at my heart and makes me cry…
while doing my essay/presentation

well i’m not so sure if it’s the music or the essay/presentation that induces the tears

and okay i’m kidding because i’m not crying who the heck cries, NOT ME

you know i think i just needed some time out talking to myself other than through Microsoft Word. ugh one hugeass constipation of a school