Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
this is the well-known exposition of Love as put down in words in one part of the Bible; it is empirically beautiful and inspiring, but all too familiar
familiar as in it has always been there, consistent and present and known, albeit being at the back of my head
all set and beautiful
but then that is it
last sunday during mass i finally found meaning to this when i read what actually came before that paragraph
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
at that exact moment i said aloud to myself “ohhh.” (in my head of course)
those two paragraphs, put together that way, were for me some sort of powerful
for the first time in a long while i finally got the answer to what i should do, because if you know me enough you know that i (sadly) never know what to do
i realised that
1. i should stop with What I Have Found Myself To Be Really Unhappy Doing
2. if True Love is empowering, that i will find strength in that to carry on doing what i love, even if it means stretching my/our means to exhaustive tautness and picking up the pieces and trying again
just because
so i did a lot of self-brainwashing and very calmly (really) braced myself for the worst, and i came to terms with the notion of Keep Trying/What The Heck, and i was okay with that
today i was genuinely taken aback upon seeing in black and white the reversal of my very expectations
checked about ten times before allowing reality to level up and waves of sheer relief to wash over myself before smiling all of the way home
very incredulously dumbstruck; in all honesty, i thought this was impossible because i know myself enough to know that what i had given warranted a “what the shit was that?!”, even though i had tried all i could to make it work and given so much, because i wanted it to work out well so, so bad
well to conclude there’s actually no moral of the story because i just wanted to share how Love is a powerful, omnipotent and weighty force that is much needed in and to all that we do, as enunciated in 1 Corinthians 13 (before today, but err guess i was procrastinating too much)
also just to say that i am blessed, and very much grateful
and also profoundly happy
True Love is never without meaning
now to move on! to greater things : )