but right now too many things
for being put On Hold and answered only when there is nothing else to fill your time,
time and again
i would really like to throw a massive tantrum
at you, at you, at you and you and you
but i won’t.
because like you, i don’t give two shits anymore honey
the thing about most television drama serials is that they center around the Past; what had happened, what had mattered, what was crucial to keeping them the way they are now
take, for example, Girl likes Boy and Boy likes Girl but all of a sudden Climax occurs (no don’t think too much, i mean Climax as it is inside a Story) and then Boy and Girl under some circumstances have to separate, but of course as it is in all stories of True Love, Boy keeps thinking about Girl and vice versa, whatever it is, things consequently happen and develop as ultimately both Boy and Girl end up together, a Happily Ever After
the Past takes Boy and Girl by their hands to their Happy Ending because they remember (and act out also that their very own persons as well as the person they love do not change)
on extraordinarily laudable occasions, the above example does happen in real life, some people stay the same
otherwise most times most television drama serials forget about Real Change ie the state of the Earth deteriorates over time (sidenote: UNLESS YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!), landscapes diminish and grow over time, buildings are pulled down and put up over time, animals die over time, as do people, friends come and go over time (nonetheless some are for a long, long time), a person evolves or shrivels over time (in physicality, capacities, moralities, etcetcetc), and feelings can make a complete 360degree turn and return to square one, yet on a whole new level
these changes are real and constant, rather than the atypical scenario, for example, Father had an affair with another woman and out pops another sibling after ten years :O
(please do note that all examples of television situations are absolutely imaginative and random and solely for the purpose of illustrating my point)
although of course, without the past there would be nothing of you and me
as we all have come to realise; reel life doesn’t reflect real life in all honesty
it is unsettling that Change to our worlds as they exist individually to us is inevitable
more unsettling still, when it makes you sad
we’re not the same, dear
as we used to be
the seasons have changed
and so have we
and there was little we could say
and even less that we could do
to stop the ice from getting thinner
under me and you
like glaciers in the Arctic we once held together and shared a world but then we moved and we moved and we eroded and finally we floated away
in spite of everything i wish you need me now like you needed me in the past, not merely because there was a gaping hole in your life then, but Just Because
okay you win here’s a two/three-liner entry
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH
what the hell manz
two nights ago i had this dream
in my dream i saw everybody; all of us, people who brought us together, people who kept us together, essentially the very ones who mattered (and still do)
without a doubt, a most lovely sight :)
and then the same thing happened in my dream
“Take the backseat honey, and be braced for the long ride”
very familiar feelings of insecurity and incompetence, not good enough, almost always not good enough
it was a bit scary
and i woke up feeling weary (probably because i slept only at two in the morning after watching my show ahaha)
i think i spent the last two years faking Confidence, or learning how to, or trying to
it made a lot of things different, some great, some not
yet it also helped me tide over some
so lesson of the day kids: Fake it to make it or it will break you!
even though deep down inside you are undeniably how you know you are
this is a little undecipherable but who cares about coherence and relevance when this is my iwasakaleidoscope! hahahahaah
at heart this just means,
still love playing
and it will be this way for a long, long time :)
I AM MORPHING INTO IMPASSIVITY
AND (I WISH) I DON’T CARE
once again, a sinking feeling
