i left my green umbrella at starbucks yesterday
and when i called them up today they told me no umbrellas – really? no umbrellas at all? it’s a green one – nope no umbrellas at all
DOES REALITY SINK IN ENOUGH, IT’S GONE FOREVER
i have no idea why i’ve grown attached enough to my brolly to become this upset, probably because it is all green and lovely and it has always been there
and because this is a horrible thing to go through because of one’s own stupidity you will excuse my whining
i’ve been thinking about a lot of things and there are a lot of things i want to say but because these few weeks have been absolutely ghastly and i have been holding on with five-hour naps that commence at three am therefore i didn’t exactly have the time to say what i wanted to
and because it is now nearly onethirty am and i want to sleep a little earlier i will do this one at a time
so on a fine saturday two weeks ago i lost my wallet at coffeebean (the one in holland village)
and this is approximately the fifth/sixth (?) time in my life i’ve been so careless with this Number One Security Item
i don’t know why but i didn’t exactly feel my stomach drop pit-bottom (yea you get it, that kinda feeling) because coincidentally enough (or not), on all the occasions i lose my wallet i always get them back, intact
as wei (thanks weister for just being there!) and i walked back to coffeebean i started to really panic so i started calling upon God (as usual, when in need – i am ashamed to admit this)
and it was there
it was there in whole, untouched
i was thrown back by this because
1. i had a very, very bad morning feeling enormously angry and thinking enormously bad thoughts and i didn’t even bother struggling to stay afloat
2. i hadn’t stopped being so resistent
amid that state of depravity i had allowed myself to be reduced to, all it took was this simple albeit superficial gesture of reasurance that God hasn’t given up on me to bring me back to solid ground
and i think from my resistance a partition has formed over what i can see and what i cannot, such that i can only recognise what He is/was saying through physical situations where i deem myself to be pushed to the end of my tether
i was moved just knowing He’s got my back (no matter what i do)
so in the simplest terms,
thank You, Lord
i hate you Sistic
i hate you Live Nation Singapore
i hate you Singapore Indoor Stadium
i hate you Singapore
damn you bitchy plasters now i’ve got rashes over my ankles and finger and it is crazy itchy like CRAZY ITCHY
what you want,
you’ve got to go get
let’s try this one more time
and hope for the best!
